Tag: author

  • The Curious Groundhog

    Where I live, there are lots of groundhogs. I see them all the time, but not during winter. Last spring, as the world was finally coming back to life, I saw one who also saw me. This poem came to me then. Happy Groundhog’s Day!

    Most of the trees and shrubs
    Have begun to bud.
    As I walked past a field
    Of last year's grass and frozen mud

    I saw a groundhog waddle toward
    The bank beside me.
    He ducked behind a culvert pipe
    But didn't crawl beneath.

    He waited 'til I passed beside him —
    Peaking like he wondered what
    This thing that moves so high above,
    And with so strange a strut,

    Might be or do or be and do,
    Or how he smells or how he sounds —
    And then, when I could see his face,
    He swiftly climbed beneath the ground

    Into a hole where, I assume,
    He has a blanket and a book,
    And having gathered vegetables,
    He hums as he begins to cook.
  • A Poem About a Hope

    The following is a poem I wrote very recently, based on a very true event. It’s most-likely unfinished, but I wanted to share it anyway. Merry Christmas!

    I walked over the hill, at dark,
    Past the willow by the frozen pond,
    Then slowed my gait and steeled my gaze
    ‘Cause something caught my eye beyond.

    Make it newfound love, this thing I sense,
    Or a run-in with a few old friends,
    Or at least an angel singing songs, I prayed,
    And prophesying better days.

    Finally, the lamplight bent just right,
    So I could see the sad, and sadly funny, sight.
    A goose stood upright on the ice
    Alone, there in the dark of night.

    I walked as close as I could get,
    And saw the goose was frozen stiff,
    Unmoving,
    Motionless as a monolith.

    Afraid the ice would not support my weight,
    I recommenced along the normal way,
    But the goose was frozen in my foremost thoughts.
    I ruminated, thinking of the poor bird’s fray.

    Webbed feet frozen to the icy pond,
    He must have flailed his wings and yanked.
    But, in the end, instead of freezing contorted
    Like a scared, pathetic, dying thing,
    He stood up nobly like a king,
    And gave his life into a marble work
    Of Michelangelic beauty–quiet, strong, strange.

    I went back out in the light of the next day.
    The weather’d turned and a thaw’d begun.
    The pond was still half-frozen,
    But the lonesome, solid goose was gone.
    And where he’d stood, my hope had sprung.
  • I Published My New Poetry Collection!

    The collection is called Finding. You can buy it here.

    It’s a book of poems and a few reflections that are meant to feel like I am walking through the poems with you.

    BUY IT HERE

  • To Now From Then

    To whomever finds this time capsule,

    The year is 1914. My name is Alfred Burdock, and I am a dairy farmer. My wife, Eloise, and I have been married ten years. We have four children: Suzanna, Maria, Theodore, and Vincent.

    This letter is being sealed inside the wall of our new barn as a kind of commemoration. Whoever you are, I pray that your livestock are thriving the way ours have in recent years. The Good Lord has blessed us with abundance.

    But I must tell you something stranger than I ever imagined I’d live to witness. Something I believe belongs to the future, maybe your time, or maybe long before your time, or perhaps far beyond it.

    It began one night after I blew out my candle. As I reached to draw the curtain beside our bed, I glanced out the window and saw a faint glow. At first I thought it was a trick of the eye, but no matter how many times I blinked or rubbed them, the soft, unmoving light remained.

    Concerned for my family’s safety, I took my rifle and stepped out the back door. The glow hovered still, near the old chestnut tree. I crept forward, heart pounding. When I reached the tree, I realized the light was coming from within the trunk itself. A small, unflickering glow, barely the size of a coin.

    I raised my gun and inched closer.

    It just sat there glowing, still as could be for a minute. I sat there wondering what it was, what I should do.

    Then it began to grow. It expanded until it lit the entire yard as though the sun had risen. I turned to run back, but the house was gone. My wife and children were gone. The sky was bright, but it wasn’t morning. It was like I’d awakened from a dream into some terrible imitation of life.

    I sprinted to the police station, but it was no longer there. In its place stood a tall, square building of glass and steel—no cornices, no stonework, no signs of craftsmanship. Just a sheer wall of windows, towering and blank. It looked… soulless. I couldn’t imagine what it must be like inside a place with so few windows.

    Then I saw a vehicle fly past. It had wheels, yes, but was larger, smoother, and far quieter than any automobile I’d ever seen. It looked sturdier too, and fast, like a beast built for speed.

    I looked around for help.

    That’s when I saw a man emerging from the glass building. He wore a shirt dyed a blue more brilliant than any cloth I’d ever seen, and his shoes were orange as pumpkins. He looked like a piece of candy. I could almost taste him.

    “Sir,” I said, “I’m not sure what’s happening, but my wife and children are missing. I believe they’ve been taken. Do you know where I might find a policeman?”

    “F*** the police,” he muttered.

    Then he pulled a little flat rectangular thing out of his pocket. It lit up in his hand, and he began tapping it with his fingers. I didn’t know what was happening, so I waited. I thought maybe he was going to offer some sort of help, but he just stared at the light, entranced. Completely still. Not even a glance in my direction.

    “Sir, please,” I said again. “I need help.”

    “I said, f*** the police, man.” Still, he did not look up.

    At that moment, a bus hissed to a stop in front of the lot. I’d never seen one in person, only pictures of something similar in the Sunday papers. It was enormous and impressive, but I was in no mood for marveling. I ran to it.

    Inside, I found dozens of people, every one of them staring into those same glowing rectangles. Some had odd plugs in their ears; others wore bulky contraptions covering their heads. Not one person looked up when I shouted.

    “My wife and children are missing!” I cried. “They’ve been abducted!”

    No reaction. Not a flinch. Nothing.

    “Pay the fare or get off the bus,” the driver barked.

    “I’ve no money,” I said, embarrassed to realize I was still in my nightgown. “Please, I just need help.”

    “Fare or off.”

    The chill hit me then. The bus was cold—unnaturally cold. I wondered if I’d taken ill. But once I stepped off, the warmth of the day returned. It wasn’t me. It was the bus.

    I spotted a sidewalk and followed it. The people I passed were just as absorbed by their glowing boxes. Some mumbled aloud, to themselves it seemed. Back home, we’d call them mad.

    After some time, I reached a small grocery store. I heard music playing inside, but I saw no band. It seemed to pour down from the very ceiling.

    People moved through the aisles, and when they reached the cashier, they merely waved their glowing rectangles. No coins. No cash. Perhaps these devices were a kind of currency. They worship them. They must hold some significance.

    Desperate, I pushed through a door at the back, hoping to find a manager. It led to a restroom… indoors, not an outhouse. There were standing toilets that offered no seat. And even here, a man stood before one, eyes fixed on his glowing screen.

    I tried another door. That one lead to an office.

    “My wife and children are missing,” I told the manager.

    He asked for their names, then spoke into a strange device. His voice echoed through the store.

    “Will that reach them outside?” I asked.

    “No, just the store.”

    “They’re not here. They vanished from our home. Can you send that voice through the whole town?”

    “Sorry, pal, it doesn’t work like that. If your family’s missing, you should call the police.”

    “I’ve been trying. The station’s moved.”

    He gave me directions. I ran there and cautiously opened the glass door. Inside, I explained everything.

    “Have you tried calling them?” the officer asked.

    I hadn’t. Not in the way he meant. I tried yelling, but my voice isn’t loud. I said as much. He stared at me, either puzzled or suspicious.

    “Doesn’t your wife have a phone, buddy?”

    “A what?”

    He led me to a sleek vehicle with cushioned seats and blinking lights. He had me sit in the back behind a partition. It felt like a cage.

    As we drove through the city, the sun began to set. The sky burned gold and lavender, fading into a pearly white. I remember thinking, this is the most beautiful sunset I’ve ever seen. Strange, isn’t it? How in the midst of chaos and loss, you can still witness a sunset so beautiful it stops your breath.

    Soon, we were outside of the town. There were wide fields all around us, and one big, boxy building a little ways off. Along one of the hillsides, two people sat on a bench. They were holding those little glowing boxes up in front of their faces, even when they could be watching such a beautiful sunset. I wanted to yell out to them, “you’re missing the whole thing!”

    We arrived at another building. The officer led me inside.

    I sat in a waiting room while he talked to a woman behind a glass window. I noticed a little black spot on the other side of the room. It was the blackest black I had ever seen. I blinked my eyes a few times, but it remained.

    I stood up for a closer look. As I leaned in, the whole world seemed to tilt. I lost my balance and began falling. Then, before I realized what had happened, I was outside again. I was in my own backyard. It was dark. The little glowing spot was gone.

    I ran to the children’s rooms. They were all there, asleep. I held Eloise’s hand. She stirred and smiled and asked if I was alright.

    I said I was. I didn’t tell her what I’d seen. Not that night. I wondered if I’d even seen it at all. Maybe I’d dreamt the whole thing. But it was more real than a dream. And yet, it was stranger than reality.

    With sincerity and wonder,
    Alfred Burdock
    July 7, 1914

  • Hibernation, Tomato Timers, and Optimism – Friday Fun

    Hibernation, Tomato Timers, and Optimism – Friday Fun

    Hello. I wonder how you’re faring this weather. Have you been hibernating like I have?

    I don’t mind hibernating. It doesn’t spoil my joy. It just makes it a little harder to get out from under the covers in the morning.

    It’s okay. I’ve found plenty to keep me going. Here are some of my favorite findings from the week.

    This forum post. The clock app on my work laptop wasn’t working, so I searched for an alternative. Not only did I get my clock to work again, I also found that post. It made me laugh. The person who posted it has some serious contempt for tomatoes in timer apps.

    This optimistic (music?) video. I tend to agree with the narrator when he says, “People are selling you a narrative. They want you to be scared because they’re scared. It’s a worldview built on fear, guilt, shame, power, but it’s only half the picture. The other half-awe, wonderment, abundance, optimism–I mean, that’s the new rebellion.” On top of that, the video is fun and well-made, and I like his bedroom with the big piano and the tall window and the colorful blanket.

    The books in the image on this post. I learned some interesting things about birds, and I got lost in a mythic, poetic story about a prophet. What more can a man ask for?

    I also wrote some things of my own. I wrote a poem, but it’s not ready to show you yet. I also created some puzzles. They’re also not ready to show you yet. I do have some things to show you though. I’ve been writing about wonder, mostly, this week, but a bit about compassion too.

    I think the happy memories one is my favorite from this week. When the weather is the way it has been lately, a good, happy memory can really come in handy.

  • A Catholic Man’s Thoughts on Carl Jung’s Ideas

    A Catholic Man’s Thoughts on Carl Jung’s Ideas

    On Jungian Shadow Work

    If you’re looking for mental health guidance, I highly recommend reading Jung, but in addition to or even before reading Jung, I recommend finding a therapist who can prescribe the right kind of therapy for your specific trouble. I personally have found Dialectical Behavioral Therapy along with Catholic Mindfulness practice to be extremely helpful. In addition, I have enjoyed Inner Child Work. It feels kind of wishy-washy to me, but it makes some sense and many people find it beneficial.

    Doing shadow work is okay, but it is like outdated medicine, in my opinion. It is like getting leeches to let blood to heal muscle pain. It’s what they used to do, but now there are better ways to treat muscle pain, like physical therapy or Aleve.

    That said, we should all strive to know ourselves, including the unconscious parts of ourselves, the things we do on autopilot, our shadows.

    The problem with shadow work is that it is dangerous and there are far easier and more effective ways to get to know our shadows and ourselves. These include science-based mindfulness practice, cognitive and dialectical behavioral therapies, Catholic examination of conscience and confession, and journaling.

    I don’t have much else to say about shadow work. I have done it. I don’t regret doing it. But it was excruciating and I have since come to believe that there are better ways of discovering myself. I am a huge fan of both mindfulness practice and examination of conscience.

    Jung’s Influence on Mindfulness Practice

    Jung wrote of needing to accept the parts of ourselves that we see as evil. This is also an aspect of mindfulness practice.

    Release of shame was another great Jungian idea. In fact, this idea comes from something greater than man. Christ died on the cross in part to express that he, God, loves us in spite of our most shameful sins.

    Mindfulness is also concerned with seeing one’s automatic thoughts and breaking the chains they form. This aligns with Jung’s idea of looking at one’s unconscious self. When we can see those automatic/unconcious thoughts, we can transcend them and determine whether we should give them any merit or simply let them pass like a leaf in a stream.

    On Jungian Archetype Theory

    Archetypes, in my understanding, are rough personifications of virtues and vices. Take the book King Warrior Magician Lover for example.

    It discusses four, supposedly masculine, Jungian archetypes. Really, these are discussions of what the Catholic Church calls the cardinal virtues.

    The king archetype is, roughly, the personification of the virtue of justice. The warrior archetype is, roughly, the personification of the virtue of fortitude. The magician archetype is, roughly, the personification of the virtue of prudence. The lover archetype is, roughly, the personification of the virtue of temperance.

    The similarities are enough that I felt a little slighted after reading the book and finding that the authors never once mentioned the cardinal virtues. But maybe they came up with these archetypes independently of the virtues.

    The two shadow sides of each archetype presented in the book are simply the extremes to the mean. This idea aligns with Aristotelean ethics which states that each virtue is a “golden mean” between two extremes.

    The king’s shadow sides are the tyrant and the weakling. The tyrant is the excess of justice, overreaching. The weakling is the deficit of justice, allowing others to overreach, not setting or enforcing boundaries.

    The warrior’s shadow sides are the sadist and the masochist. The sadist is the excess of fortitude; over-ambitionpresumptuousness, and stubbornness. The masochist is the deficit of fortitude, cowardice.

    “The Masochist projects Warrior energy onto others and causes a man to experience himself as powerless.”

    Moore and Gillette, King Warrior Magician Lover

    I will not beat a dead horse by expounding upon the extremes behind the magician and lover archetypes. It is clear that the archetypes align with the cardinal virtues. However, that does not diminish the value of the book or the archetypes.

    The reason archetypes are worth looking at, even though we already know about virtues, is that they give personified examples of the virtues, and they show how the virtues and vices overlap and interact. For example, the trickster archetype is primarily a personification of the vice of intemperance. In order to protect oneself from the manifestation of this archetype, one must exercise not only temperance but also prudence, and possibly several other virtues as well. The virtues interplay with one another, they lift one another up. The archetypes more fully express this by personifying the virtues.

    For this reason, study of the archetypes is not only interesting, but can also be useful. That said, I much prefer the writings of the philosopher Dietrich von Hildebrand, who wrote about virtues and provided very good human examples of them, to the writings of Jung or his disciples. Additionally, I much prefer gaining knowledge of the archetypes by reading myths and good stories which happen to be more entertaining and often less confusing than a scholar’s analysis.

    The archetypes describe, by way of gods, the vices which can rule over us if we’re not careful. We must aim to the one true God, and then the virtues in us will be aligned to their golden means; the archetypes in us will mature to their ideal forms.

    Archetypes make great characters in stories and good heroes, but we must not forget that they are simplifications of true humans. They ignore the multitude of complexities in the human as individual. Nobody really fits an archetype or a documented personality (e.g. the Big Five/OCEAN profile), and humans are always changing and growing anyway, so to label someone with a trait or an archetype is to disregard a huge portion of their humanity.

    Jung’s Worst Idea, IMHO

    That brings me to my biggest disagreement with Jung, and the thing he gets tragically wrong: he sees God as an archetype rather than a living being. If God is merely an archetype, then I cannot find a good reason to go on living. If God is merely an archetype, then none of the archetypes have any meaning because the world is only meaningless matter.

    Jung’s Best Idea, IMHO

    Jung was often stating the importance of knowing oneself. We must know ourselves so that we are not doing things unconsciously. If we do something unconsciously, we can’t make a moral judgment about it, and if we can’t make a moral judgment about an action before we do it, we are liable to allow ourselves to commit evil actions.

    Moral judgment can also be clouded by things like anxiety, depression, and attachment. We must overcome our neuroses, which Jung indicates is possible, learn what we value, and envelop our lives in virtue. In order for any of this to happen, we must know ourselves.

    How Jung’s Ideas Finally Made Sense to Me

    Jung is very difficult to understand. His ideas are complex and build on top of one another. It is easy to misunderstand one, then understand several others based on that one, then realize you misunderstood the base one and subsequently misunderstand the others that are built on top of it.

    I exclusively read Jung and his disciples for quite some time. Through that, I began to understand his ideas, but I also spent a huge amount of time in thought, contemplating the ideas. Still, I couldn’t quite piece everything together. I started asking questions that I couldn’t find the answers to on Quora or reddit.com/r/Jung.

    I found there are tons of people out there who think they know what they’re talking about in regards to Jung’s ideas, but really they are fools who have only read a couple blog posts. Nonetheless, I did find a couple sensible minds out there who helped me a good deal.

    Finally, it was when I began reading ideas similar to Jung’s, but from people who likely didn’t even know of him, or from people who completely reworded his ideas into concepts of their own, that I started to understand his ideas on a new level.

    An example of the former is the philosopher Dietrich von Hildebrand, one of Hitler’s greatest enemies. An example of the latter is the therapist and author, Jasmin Lee Cori. When I read their ideas and saw how they were similar to Jung’s, when I made those connections I really started to understand Jung’s ideas.

    The Best Outcome of My Own Shadow Work

    I think the best thing Jung and shadow work taught me was how fortunate I am to have not lived during a time like the Holocaust in the mid-1900s.

    Through introspecting my psyche and my actions, I realized my own inclination to value myself based on how others value me. This often lead me to seek acceptance from others above moral righteousness.

    Many times, I have sought acceptance instead of morality. If I had lived in Germany in the mid-1900s, I might have been a murderer in order to be accepted by my peers and neighbors. That is a terrifying thought and I gasp in relief that it is only a thought.

  • My Writing Tools and Process

    My Writing Tools and Process

    How I Integrate Digital and Physical Notes

  • The Tower Cafe

    When the trees were small –
    The trees that grow all through
    The patio at the Tower Cafe,
    Where we had breakfast Sunday,
    Where you had the most delightful French toast –

    The trees, now tall, when they were small,
    The cafe’s keeper gave them faith.

    “Whichever way you grow,”
    The keeper said, “it will be okay.”

    Faith, that is why they were allowed to stay.
    Faith is why they were allowed to become
    The beautiful cafe patio protectors they became.

  • Fourteen Stories

    Something caught my mind
    – A buzz like a bee, no, a buzz like bourbon.
    A thought broke free.

    I wondered what the ants
    On the ground would think
    If they saw us way up here,
    Fourteen stories high, clinking drinks,

    Dressed in red hue mood lighting,
    Shifting, laughing, drifting,
    Among our own tribes, uniting,
    Wondering about the other tribes and their princesses,

    And what the ants below must think
    Of the ways we shift and the ways we sync
    And the ways we dance and the ways we drink.

  • Steam

    Maybe the steam is a small tax,
    The cost of this drink’s warmth.

    Maybe the steam is a prayer.
    Maybe it is His share.

    Maybe it is the drink’s quest,
    Venturing out of the cup,
    Heaven bound, pouring up.