The powers of this world, through seemingly benign language, curse us.
Shaming and invalidating language can spread through songs, coworkers, neighbors, family members, movies, and just about any other medium. This kind of language is viral and toxic, and it works in the most sinister way.
Repeated phrases become repeated thoughts, repeated thoughts become repeated feelings, and repeated feelings become core beliefs. Even a common, seemingly harmless phrase can perpetuate a cycle of shame or distorted belief. Take, for example, this phrase from a popular Blink 182 song: “Don’t waste your time on me.”
In many cases, we apply no meaning to such a phrase. It’s just a catchy lyric that bounces around between our ears. But when our lived experience seems to line up with the phrase, when we’re wounded or hurt, the phrase takes on a certain life of its own and lives inside us, leeching our courage and disavowing our humanity.
When I say, “don’t waste your time on me,” it implies two terrible lies: one, that spending time on me is a waste of time, that spending time on a human being could possibly be a waste of time; and two, that the person spending time is not smart enough to use their time wisely, that they waste their time, and that time is a currency.
These lies promote a sense of shame, scarcity, broken relations, and, ultimately, untrue core beliefs. They are toxic.
They are spread through a single line in a simple song, a curse. And we have endless access to an endless number of very catchy songs, catchphrases, movie quotes, etc, with curses just like that one.
For our own mental wellness, for our own perception of reality, we must examine the language we use in our thoughts and in our speech.
The phrases we think, listen to, and speak are healthiest when they support positive social interaction; acknowledge the full dignity of every human person; promote a realistic sense of abundance, especially of the abundance of love; express emotion and experience with integrity, courage, and honesty; encourage ourselves and others to bear challenges and sufferings; inspire wonder by asking questions without demanding answers; and thank, praise, and glorify God, The Good Father.
But we don’t need to worry about a list of phrases that are okay or not. We only need to “think of what is above, not of what is on earth.” (Colossians 3:2) We only need to dispose our attention toward God, love, and virtue. Then, we will find freedom from the curses that the powers of this world place upon us.
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
Romans 12:2
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