When I’m upset, I often keep it to myself. I take a walk in the woods, hoping to work through my feelings. But sometimes, even the quiet of nature can’t untangle my thoughts.
On one of these walks, I found myself ruminating on how others respond when I try to express my feelings. My frustration deepened. I didn’t just feel hurt. I felt hurt about their negative reactions to my feelings. I resented how often my emotions were dismissed, as though being upset was somehow a mistake.
I desperately needed that walk. I thought, What if, instead of telling me I’m wrong to feel this way, people could see my negative emotions for what they really are: calls for help?
How different would life feel if emotions—anger, sadness, frustration—were seen as what they often are: pleas for understanding? If others responded with care instead of dismissal, maybe those feelings wouldn’t linger so long or feel so overwhelming. Maybe I wouldn’t feel the need to suppress them or second-guess myself. And maybe I’d feel a little more at ease.
Then it hit me: I was being hypocritical.
I was angry at them for their negative reactions to my negative emotions. I was frustrated by their invalidation, but wasn’t my own anger just as reactive? I saw the same cycle in myself: meeting what felt like an injustice with frustration, judgment, and withdrawal.
I realized that my negative emotions were often just reactions to someone else’s pain. And maybe their behavior—the one I found so disagreeable—wasn’t malicious at all. Maybe it was their own unspoken plea for help.
What if, when I get angry, I paused to consider this? What if I saw their behavior and wondered: What wound or struggle might be behind this?
Negative behaviors—anger, impatience, even withdrawal—are often rooted in unhealed wounds or unmet needs. What if we saw those behaviors for what they are? What if we responded with a little more kindness and effort to understand each other?
Maybe the world wouldn’t change overnight. But it might become just a little bit gentler.
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